Ahem, Emma?

You're pretty much the worst friend I've ever had. Except for maybe Rachael. but I have a feeling that she and I would get on fine, given a second chance. You just suck. Oh, and as an eighteen-year-old with an extremely limited social circle, damn is that saying something.

Why does everything you say have to be the right thing, period, no two ways about it? Seriously, I've never met anyone over the age of twelve who is so strangely self-centered as you are.

I've often wondered about people like you. The sort of people who are fine students, at least moderately-talented athletes/musicians/artists/whatever who are always saying things like, "I suck! I don't deserve these accolades!" Do you honestly believe you don't deserve the attention, or are you just looking for more attention? For people to coo over you and your achievements and tell you that, no, you don't suck, you're wonderful? At least in the case of yourself, dear friend, I believe it is the latter. Sorry.

I'm also tired of you complaining about your home life. Can it, okay? Do you think you're the only teenager ever who has felt alienated and put-out by your family? Oh, do shut up. YES YOUR EXPERIENCE IS ABSOLUTELY UNIQUE AND NO OTHER TEENAGER HAS FELT QUITE THE WAY YOU DO NOW. You are, indeed, a speshul snowflake.